The tantrum itself is not the problem. Your response to it is what shapes the next hundred.
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Table of contents
Preface: Penn Station
A Tuesday afternoon. Marble floors. The moment that made Jack go back to the research.
Two Sons
First Son in the train station. Second Son, same age, same station. Different outcome. Here's what changed.
What a Tantrum Actually Is
It feels personal. It isn't. Here's what's happening in your child's brain and why that matters for what you do next.
The Arc
Every tantrum has a shape. If you know the shape, you know what to do at each stage.
The First 10 Seconds
Most of what goes wrong in a tantrum goes wrong in the first 10 seconds. This is the chapter.
How You Respond Changes the Trajectory
Not what to do during the tantrum. What your patterns over weeks do to the next 100 tantrums.
Prevent the Ones You Can
Not every tantrum is preventable. Enough of them are. The HALT framework and when to use it.
Public Tantrums
The train station was not the worst part. The worst part was what Jack did next.
Tantrum or Meltdown?
These are not the same thing. Responding to a meltdown like a tantrum makes it significantly worse.
When to Worry
Most parents ask this at 2am after a bad one. Here's what the research actually says.
After the Storm
What you do in the 15 minutes after it ends is as important as what you do during it.
"Children whose parents responded with empathy and validation during tantrums showed significantly fewer and shorter tantrums by age four compared to those whose parents used distraction or punishment alone."
Source: Grolnick et al., Developmental Psychology (2008) · One of 35+ sources in this playbook
What you earn
Complete the playbook and quiz to earn your badge and certificate. Add it to your FamilyForce profile. Text it to your partner.
Tantrum Tamer
For parents who stayed calm long enough to finish reading. That's the bar. You cleared it.
Tantrum Tamer
The Tantrums Playbook · by Jack Hartley
Proudly Awarded To
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For completing The Tantrums Playbook and mastering the research, the response, and the calm it takes to navigate the hardest moments of parenting.
Key questions answered
Is this normal? How bad is normal?
The frequency and intensity range that pediatricians consider typical, and the specific signs that suggest something more. (Spoiler: most of what you're dealing with is normal.)
Should I ignore it or engage?
The most-argued question in parenting groups. The research has a nuanced answer. It depends on the stage of the tantrum. (Chapter 3 is about exactly this.)
Why does my child only do this with me?
Because you're the safe person. That's the answer, and it's actually good news. Here's the science behind it.
Up next
Every playbook follows the same format. Same standard. Different topic.
One hour. The research. A quiz. A certificate. And a badge for your FamilyForce profile.
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